The First Ranma
by Ron Dow75
Summary: The discovery of the truth about Ryuunosuke will lead to him/her being...
1. Default Chapter

The First Ranma: A Really Twisted Tale  
By Ron Dow75  
  
It was a typical day at Tomobiki High School: "A boy went into   
the girls' room!!" a long raven-haired girl yelled in the hall.  
  
Lum yelled, "A-ta-ru!" giving off lightning flashes within her   
long blue sailor suit, and flying off for the door.  
  
There was a cheer from the by-standers, as both female and male   
commented:  
  
"Moroboshi is going to get zapped!"  
  
"Moroboshi always gets zapped!"  
  
"And somehow he always survives."  
  
"That pervert only has one thing he's lucky at, surviving!"  
  
Lum declared, "Ataru! This is too much, even for you!!" as she   
flew over the stalls.  
  
The girls within yelled their displeasure with Lum looking down   
on them while they were in the awkward position.  
  
The alien with the long green hair and the two small yellow horns   
sticking out from it ignored all else but her hunt for the   
Greatest Lecher in the Galaxy, her husband! It didn't take long   
for her to find somebody dressed in the boys' black plebe uniform   
squatting over the Japanese toilet in the floor!  
  
"Dahling!! How many unforgivable things do you think I can   
forgive you for!!?"  
  
The boy in the stall first tossed up his leather book bag, then   
the toilet paper up at the space princess; but with the speed of   
one born and bred to the martial arts, he snapped off the end the   
latter. By the time Lum had knocked the bag out of the way, and   
burned the roll to ashes with her lightning attack, the black   
haired boy had wiped his crotch, from front to back, and tossed   
it in the toilet bowl. Then the bolt of lightning got through.  
  
He stood up. Unsinged. "What ya do that for, Lum!?!"   
  
Lum blinked at her unhurt victim, "Ryuunosuke??"   
  
A girl asked, "Ryuunosuke's in here?!"   
  
The mild mannered student of Tomobiki High frowned, "Now, look   
what you did," zipping up his pants.  
  
Another girl said, "The thought that I'm in the next stall!"  
  
Lum said, "I'm sorry, Ryuunosuke! But a girl said-"  
  
Ryuunosuke said, "(HmmH!) She must be new to the school."   
Taking a breath like a martial artist would give himself just   
before meeting a challenge, Ryuunosuke opened the stall door,   
and went out.  
  
"Ryuunosuke is in here!"   
  
"Should he really be allowed in here?"  
  
"Who cares! Just the thought of it makes my day!"  
  
"Oh-woo! I have to go back into the stall!"  
  
Lum looked down at all the silly human girls, and yelled,   
"Ryuunosuke is a girl!!"  
  
One girl giggled, "I don't care."   
  
Another declared. "That makes him the perfect boyfriend!"   
  
A third simpered, "Yes!" "He's got more machismo than all the  
boys around here combined!"  
  
Two girl friends declared, "And he doesn't have to prove it!!"   
as they held hands in a shared gush.  
  
Lum flew down so she didn't have to see what the girl who'd gone   
back into the stall was doing. "I'm sorry, Ryuunosuke!"  
  
The brunette with the dark mood grunted, "(HnH!)" putting his   
hands in his pockets as he ambled his way past the girls looking   
at him with goo-goo eyes. "It happens all the time."  
  
Lum found that she had to get in front of him, because the girls   
wanted to close in around, and follow in his wake. "Ryuunosuke,   
may I ask a question?"  
  
He said, "You're not gonna ask me for a date, too?" If it was a  
joke, he asked it without any humor.  
  
Lum asked, "I just want to know how come you weren't   
electrocuted?"  
  
The one, whose life had left her looking like a cute, disengaged   
boy in the semi-long, barely combed hairstyle of the day, said,   
"Your attack has one flaw. Your adversary has to be grounded."   
  
Lum stopped. "I knew that." But not too many on Earth seemed to.   
If they, now, started doing things like wearing shoes with   
insolating soles...  
  
+++  
  
Ataru Moroboshi looked around, up and down the school hall. The   
brown haired, rather homely looking boy cackled, "I don't see Lum   
anywhere. (He, ha, hah!) I escaped from your fangs again!" Of   
course, he knew she would be in his next class; she was in all of   
his classes (even gym!). But it was the principle of the thing!   
He didn't ask to be married (Not to her, anyway). He saved the   
world single-handedly from alien invasion! He should have gotten   
a reward, not this life sentence!  
  
A door opened, and he knew which one it was without having to   
look. And what did he see when he did look? A parade of five   
girls led by one boy.   
  
That wasn't a boy; that was: "Ryuu-chan!!" Ataru grinned, rushing   
for her.  
  
Lum was the last to leave, and was just in time to see what   
happened.  
  
Ataru went crashing through the second floor hall window, while   
Lum zapped her husband for good measure.  
  
He had the further misfortune to fall on a small alien with one   
little yellow horn who had just happened to be toddling along   
over the school.   
  
All Oni had one special power. Jariten's was fire-breathing.  
  
+++  
  
"Ten!!" The smoldering Ataru yelled from the now smoldering,   
defoliated bush he'd landed in. "If I hadn't been singed already   
by your cousin Lum, that'd hurt!!"  
  
Looking up at the broken window: "That was Lum-chan's lightning   
flash I saw?" asked the very little kid (his yellow tiger-striped   
trunks were often called diapers) who was her most loyal of her  
kin.  
  
Ataru cried, "What did you think it was?!!" shaking a fist at   
the second most obnoxious of the aliens he'd had the misfortune   
to meet. Maybe the most obnoxious: Lum, at least, looked like a   
beautiful girl. And she liked to wear that tiger-striped bikini.   
If she didn't insist she was his wife, he might actually chase   
her.  
  
Ten answered, "With you around, I though something had happened   
to a science project, or school projector."  
  
Ataru insisteed, "I'm not that unlucky!!"  
  
A sentence was pronounced, "You are the unluckiest boy in the   
world." From out of nowhere, it was Cherry, the short, chinless,   
frog-faced Buddhist monk with the huge lobes.   
  
  
Both of them cried, "YAAA!!!"   
  
Ten breathed fire on him; then Ataru hit him over the head with a   
very large wooden mallet. The later only served to break the char   
off of the mad monk. Which left the potbellied gnome in just a   
loincloth.  
  
The monk asked, still on his feet, despite the large lump on his   
bald dome, "Do you not want to mitigate your bad luck, or not?"  
  
Ataru told him, "A man makes his own luck!!"   
  
"Exactly."  
  
+++  
  
"Lum-chan! Lum-chan! Wait up!" asked a very kawai schoolmate with   
very long, naturally curly maroon hair and a narrow ribbon in its   
side. The sailor scarf under her middy collar was red, not yellow   
like Lum's.  
  
Ryuunosuke stopped at the sound of her voice, "Ran."  
  
The human girls saw his reaction, and, grumbling, walked as   
gracefully away as their hurt pride could. They knew they could   
not compete with the most girlish of girls.  
  
Lum said, "Ryuunosuke! Remember, you're a girl!" coming down next   
to him.  
  
Ryuunosuke frown, "I know I'm a girl," as he turned to look upon   
Lum's oldest and dearest childhood friend.  
  
Breathing a little hard from the short jog, Ran was still able to   
speak, "You promised to have tea on my UFO!"  
  
Lum asked, "When did I promise that?" her eyes took on that  
vacant, slightly cross-eyed innocent look she'd practiced so hard  
to get.  
  
Ran sounded disappointed, "Oh. Then I guess I'll just have to   
find some other amusement. Perhaps a date with your Ataru!"  
  
Lum demanded, "Ran! You leave my husband alone! I'm the only   
one he can date!"  
  
Ryuunosuke stammered, "Er, Ran, uh, if you want to do   
something, that is, uh..."  
  
Ran beamed, "I'd love to, Ryuu-chan! That is, if Lum objects?"  
  
Lum told her, "I object!"   
  
Ran's said, "Goodie!" delighted.  
  
Lum asked, "Ran-chan, why won't you believe Ryuunosuke's a   
girl?"  
  
Ran answered, "Silly Lum! Have you realized that Ataru cannot   
return your love? Is that why you're staking your claim on the   
only real man at this school?" And she fluttered her eyelashes at   
her target, "Perhaps in all of Greater Tokyo."  
  
Lum nearly cried in frustration. "This is not about me, Ran!"   
Then to the other party, "Ryuunosuke, why would you want to go   
out with Ran?!"  
  
Ryuunosuke said, "Nobody wears a sailor suit better," lost in   
admiration.  
  
+++  
  
Somehow, the penniless monk had managed to produce and put on a   
new robe. He noted, "This is an unusually long break between   
breaks."   
  
  
"Do you think Lum-chan may have blown some fuses?" little Ten   
asked, looking up at the windows as he hovered five feet above   
the ground.  
  
"If the bells don't tell me to, I'm not going to classes," Ataru   
cackled, leaning against a wall, his black plebe coat was   
completely unbuttoned and open, now, revealing his red T-shirt.  
  
"You are just delaying the inevitable," Cherry said.  
  
"Death is inevitable. But I live for the moment! If I live enough   
moments, then I won't die. Infinity also get small."  
  
Ten frowned, "Is that how you've been able to survive?"  
  
"It is a logic worthy of a mystic," Cherry said.  
  
"If there are no classes, Lum-chan can play!" Ten smiled, put-  
putting up towards the broken window.  
  
A passing jet stream caused the little boy to spin like a ball in   
mid-air.  
  
"Ataru!" Lum cried, swooshing down from the busted window. "Ran   
and Ryuunosuke are going on another date!"  
  
"Ran-chan and Ryuu-chan!!?!" Ataru cried, suddenly erect and   
alert. "Girls should not date girls!! That is against all of   
morality! Against the very Laws of Nature! Without the proper   
functioning of Nature, where would the World be! Were would Japan   
be!?!! It threatens to upset the very foundation of our national   
security! For the sake of future generations, we must rescue them   
from their misguided straying from the path of virtue, and set   
them on the path of righteous love!"  
  
Cherry's staff with the bells tripped the boy before he'd made   
two steps. "They do not need your luck. Let Ryuunosuke's luck   
handle this."  
  
"Luck!?! Luck!!?" Ataru yelled, shaking his fist at the most   
obnoxious human of all time. "If poor Ryuu-chan had any luck,   
would that girl who had every right to be a vision of loveliness   
be bound by the lie that she's a man!?!!"  
  
"Cherry's right, Dahling! You will only cause more trouble; like   
you did on their last date," Lum said, hovering above him.  
  
"And what of Ran's own luck, Lum," Cherry suggested.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, Cherry," Lum said,   
trying not to let any guilt show.  
  
"Since you were little girls, she's only had bad luck when she's   
near you."  
  
"Ah-HA!!" Ataru was up on his feet to accuse, "Lum's a carrier!   
She's the reason for all of my bad luck, too!!"  
  
"You were bad luck before Lum showed up!" Jen told him, floating   
down to nearly an arm's length to him, ready to spit fire on him.  
  
"Human weird luck when added to alien weird is Super weird!!"   
Ataru told him.  
  
"Cherry is right," Lum admitted her guilt. She hung herself in   
the air. "No wonder my best friend in the universe hates me while   
she loves me."  
  
"Ran has a real Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder," Cherry   
said.  
  
"Stop spreading lies about fair damsels!!" Ataru cried as he   
kicked the monk so hard he landed in a tree.  
  
Still slumped over in mid-air, Lum said, "Perhaps we should   
listen to Cherry, and stay out of it this time."  
  
"Listen to Cherry!? Never!! Not when it involves cute girls like   
Ran-chan and Ryuu-chan!" Ataru declared, his eyes afire.  
  
Lum became less of a dishrag: "Now I know we should stay out of   
it! The only reason I told you was because the last time they   
went on a date, we went on a date."  
  
"It wasn't a date!!" Ataru yelled at her.  
  
Ten finally made it up to the level Cherry was draped over some   
tree branches. "Why did you interfere to stop trouble? That's not   
like you."  
  
"I am a mysterious monk with motivations beyond the reasoning of   
the uninitiated."  
  
"The only motivation you have is, 'what can I do to get something   
to eat'?"  
  
"That reminds me: Lum! If you're not going on a date, that means   
you'll be eating at the Moroboshi's, right?! It is a good deed to   
give a bowl of rice to a-"  
  
Lum's response was to scream, and send out such a massive bolt   
from her body that the charred, again, monk was sent falling down   
the split that had opened up in the tree.  
  
+++  
  
As soon as the last bell of school had rung, Ryuunosuke rushed to   
the one-room apartment in the back of the school store. "I'm   
goin' out with Ran! I have a second chance!" He dropped the wool  
plebe coat that buttoned up the neck as soon as he got in the  
door, "This time! This time!" He headed straight for the alcove  
with the deep cement sink, pulling up his white T-shirt, "This  
time: I will do it! I am prepared, now! I know what to expect!"  
He tossed the shirt away "This time, I Will ask her! I won't  
take no for an answer!"  
  
In his haste, he fumbled at the knot that kept the long cloth   
bandage strip in place "Girls! Girls, they're... Girls are...   
Girls are Wonderful!" he told himself. "Girls are the most   
wonderful things there are..." he smiled at the thought of them,   
as he pulled out the ends of the bandage from where they'd been   
tucked in to further tourniquet them. "And Ran is the cutest: The   
most Girl of Girls!" Ryuunosuke, at last, could unwind the strip   
of cloth that was so tightly wound around his chest that day as   
one had been everyday for five years. If anybody asked about it,   
his father would say his son had injured himself. Anybody who   
knew the Fujinami family at all knew that the way father and son   
yelled and fought each other (everyday, in every way) it was no   
wonder that Ryuunosuke would be injured. "A guy'd hafta be a   
fool not to get what he can from her."  
  
His ardor took sudden flame: "Yes! With her, I can do it! I will   
be a girl!!" he said holding the bandage in a hand while his   
good size tits now swung free in the daylight coming from the   
many paned window in front of him.  
  
"Ryuunosuke! Ryuunosuke! You dog, you! You, Don Juan! You, chip   
off the your Old Man's block!!" declared a craggy and weather-  
beaten man in the white pants and shirt of a beachcomber, and a   
woven virility belt around his waist.  
  
In his haste Ryuunosuke'd left the sliding double doors open!   
"Stay out of the lav when I have nothing coverin' my chest!!"   
he ordered his father, as he put his right arm across his tits,   
the hand in a tight fist, like the other.  
  
"Men do not have to be modest among each other!"  
  
"I am not a man!!" he roared the monotony that echoed his whole   
life. "I'm a girl!!" he cried, lashing out with all the power his   
left fist possessed at the man who'd ruined his life.  
  
"Nonsense!" his father easily got out of the way on tiptoe. "Your   
dating proves that you are, at last, a man!"  
  
"We were through this crap the last time I went out with Ran!" he   
turned around after the momentum had carried him out of the   
alcove in the one room apartment. "I don't date!! I'm doing this   
to get the straight skinny on how to be a girl!!"  
  
"Just like an inexperienced boy! Say what you want, your actions   
always make your father proud of you, Ryuunosuke! You leave a   
callow lad, but you'll come back a man!" And he held up two white   
Japanese rooting fans with the red circles on them: "Score!   
Score!"  
  
"Why you!!!" Ryuunosuke screamed with all his might, running at   
the demon with his left fist out stretched, his right cocked over   
his chest.  
  
"Do you think you can score?" his father smiled, challenging him   
to get a blow to him.  
  
At the last possible moment, Ryuunosuke unleashed his right punch   
while replacing it with his left to cover his tits.  
  
At the last possible moment, Fujimi Fujinami moved his chin to   
the side.  
  
Ryuunosuke fell back into the lav area.  
  
The Old Man looked in past the door. His son was bent over the   
sink, his right holding onto the rim, his left arm still over his   
chest, and his cheek against a cracked pane. "You should've freed   
your hands!"  
  
+++  
  
Ataru came into the apartment from the school store, "Ryuu-chan!   
Don't do this! Only men and women belong together! Let me show   
you what dating a man is like!"  
  
"My son will never date another man!" Fujimi Fujinami declared.   
"What do you think he is!? A pervert?!"  
  
Ataru's girl-trained senses quickly found, on the paper panes of   
one of the sliding double doors across the alcove, the silhouette   
of a girl's form. Form!! It looked like she wasn't wearing any   
clothes!! "Ryuu-chan!!" he cried, racing at the door, ignoring   
her fight-crazy father.  
  
The father simply smiled under his thick eyebrows.  
  
A fist broke through the door and Ataru ran into it. He fell   
unconscious to the green tatami-mat floor.  
  
"See!? See, my son!?!" his father said, coming over. "This is   
what happens when you let boys think you're interested in boys!"  
  
"I never let him think I'd date him! I don't want to date boys!!"   
Ryuunosuke cried, ripping a hole in enough of the paper door   
panels to stick his head through. "The thought makes me want to   
puke!"  
  
"Spoken like a true man!" his father said, reaching down and   
picking up Ataru.  
  
"I'm A Girl!!" his years of conditioned reflexes forced him to   
scream and lash out at the man. He broke through the sliding   
door, and into the room.   
  
He really was naked.  
  
His father was leaving with the pervert Ataru over his shoulder.  
  
Ryuunosuke hurried back through the door to finish cleaning up.   
He didn't have the time to go to a public bath, so he had to do   
it this way. He ran enough water to wet the bar of soap, and then   
lathered up his body; he would then go back over the area with a   
damp cloth.  
  
It was always strange when he got to his tits. He was used to   
feeling them tightly, even painfully squashed up against his pecs   
(and with the amount of upper body exercise his fighting gave   
him, they were well-developed muscles). Unbound, the tits dangled   
and rolled like something unreal...even ethereal. They were not   
really a part of him, but the ghostly, the haunting reminder of   
what he could-Should-have been!  
  
He knew he could not stay there any longer; he moved down to his   
hips and butt. This was only body he'd know; puberty was slow   
enough, and his dad had provided enough distractions, for him to   
get use to its curves. And it wasn't all that round; even in the   
T-shirt and shorts he'd wear at the Hama tea shop on the beach,   
he would be mistaken for a boy.  
  
When his hand moved to his groin... He did it as quickly and   
matter-of-factly as he could. He sometimes wondered what it would   
be like to have a cock. He knew they bulged in swim trunks and   
pants in many different ways. But every time he'd had a chance to   
actually see one, he'd turned away in shame and disgust. That's   
how he felt when he thought about having one as a man. While,   
when he thought about having one as a girl... would mean coming   
to terms with what he did have in place of a cock. Ryuunosuke was   
very careful around his own tiny, little cock; he was afraid of   
what his fantasies might reveal.  
  
+++  
  
"There you are, Ataru!!" Lum said flying over to the just   
awakening boy who'd been put out with the school garbage. "Are   
you ready to give up this interference, and come home with me?"  
  
"Never!" he sat up in the garbage from a couple of busted plastic   
bags. "For the sake that is all righteous and virtuous, I, Ataru   
Moroboshi, must save those girls!"  
  
"You just want to date them yourself!" she tried to burst his   
pretentious bubble.  
  
"Of course! That would prove they were saved!"  
  
"Then we'll end up going through what happened the last time,"   
Lum sighed.  
  
"History does Not repeat itself! That is a bald-faced myth!" he   
declared getting up and out of the garbage.  
  
"No, it doesn't. They say that the second time is a farce."  
  
"The first time was a farce!"  
  
"Then, what will it be this time?" Lum asked herself with that   
cross-eyed innocent look.  
  
"There's not going to be a next time!"  
  
"Dahling!!" Lum threw her arms and herself around him. "You have   
given up!"  
  
"No! I'm going to learn from history!" Ataru smiled with great   
determination in his eyes. "I'm going back in time, and Not do   
what made my noble mission a failure!"   
  
"I was the reason you couldn't go through with your plans!"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"And how are you going to go back in time without me?"  
  
Ataru wanted to scream; instead he smashed his fists down onto   
thin air, as he bowed his head.  
  
+++  
  
Ryuunosuke was now in front of the dresser. "(Hunh!) We can't   
even afford a towel large enough to cover my body," he grumbled,   
pulling up his boxers. "Just small Japanese towels."  
  
"You better hurry up! You don't want to keep the girl waiting!"   
his father said, seeing that his son'd rewrapped his chest in the   
bandages.  
  
"I'm hurryin' as fast as I can!" he yelled, holding up his T-  
shirt for emphasis as he nearly looked over his shoulder. "Tea   
parties are supposed to begin at four!"  
  
"Tea parties? You're not actually going to a tea party,   
Ryuunosuke?!"  
  
"I am," he stated, as he pulled on the fresh T-shirt.  
  
"What kind of a date is that for a man?!"  
  
"It's not a date! I'm not a man! I'm a girl!!" he spun around,   
ready for another attack.  
  
But his father only had a gleam in his eyes. "I'll save this   
fight until after I find out how your date went."  
  
Still not trusting the man, Ryuunosuke decided to put on his   
white oxford shirt first; he wouldn't want to have his legs   
caught in pants when his dad did attack him. "Why're you gonna  
wait?"  
  
The father sat down at the only other piece of furniture in the   
room, a small low Japanese table. "It'll be horrible, if the girl   
gets turned off because your body got beaten up right before your   
date."  
  
"It's not a date," he said, yet again, having put his arms in one   
at a time. "And you said that the last time I went out with Ran."  
  
"See!? I am consistent in my views!"  
  
"I wish you weren't," his frown deepened, buttoning the shirt,   
now. "Then I woulda had some chance to know what it feels like   
to be a girl."  
  
"(Ha! Ha! Ha!) That's what a date is for!"  
  
"I said "feels like to be a girl" -Not what a girl feels like!! I   
already know that!!" He hadn't even finished buttoning his shirt,   
and here he was ready to get into that fight he didn't want to   
get into. Not now. Like his dad said: Wait until he saw how his   
time with Ran went!  
  
He went back to buttoning, "But that's exactly why I am goin'   
out. There is no girl who knows more how to be a girl than Ran."  
  
+++  
  
Lum had her own personal yellow tiger-striped UFO saucer levitate   
Ataru up inside. Everywhere he looked there was equipment (all   
without square corners) straight out of pre-Star Trek sci-fi   
shows or comic books. If it did not look high tech alien, it did   
not belong in view, he thought.  
  
"I knew you'd have a time machine! You have a ray gun for   
everything! If it's not a ray gun, then its something so weird,   
nobody in their right mind could think of it!"  
  
Lum, now in the yellow tiger-stripes that were the national   
colors of the Oni race of Uru (the bikini-style reflecting the   
fact that she hadn't been officially recognized as married),   
explained, "I have one of everything. I am a space princess.   
What would it look like, if another space princess had something   
I didn't have?"  
  
"Why couldn't those other space princess think the same way, and   
want me!?" he wanted to sulk.  
  
"Because you're somebody only somebody who loves you could want?"   
Lum said, kneeling in front of a piece of equipment that looked   
like a one-legged metal table coming from the floor-deck. In the   
middle of it was something that looked like a teacup.  
  
Ataru walked over to the table. "Don't I get any tea?"  
  
"This tea isn't for drinking. This tea is for time traveling!"  
  
"What?" Ataru said, dropping down to sit Japanese-boy-style,   
knees wide out. "Are you saying all we have to do go back in time   
is to drink some tea?"  
  
"Of course not!" Lum smiled at the idea. "The tea is to provide   
the time tunnel swirling effect as we go back in time!"  
  
"What??" Ataru asked, clueless.  
  
Lum pulled out a little doohickey from the bikini top. "This is   
the time machine!"  
  
"That little thing's going to open up time for us?"  
  
"The real time machine is already at the time between time. This   
is like a doorbell button! It's keyed to me, personally!" Lum   
smiled. She wasn't about to tell him she had more than one time   
machine, each working under different principles. (Like she'd   
said, a space princess had to have one of everything!)  
  
"Well," Ataru eyed it, "At least it's a machine, not some stupid   
tea. But you sure I can get in?"  
  
"If you're with me!" she smiled, and dropped the doohickey into   
the cup.  
  
Before Ataru could ask, now what? he found himself slurped in,   
and going down the drink! "LuMUUUU!!!" he screamed.  
  
+++  
  
In still unaltered time:  
  
Ran was in her UFO saucer. She was out of her school sailor suit,   
and in her normal Earth attire: A twirlable midi dress (this time   
white with pink trim) with petticoats, a wide bow behind her   
waist, and some simple frills to soften the edges, and (pink)   
heels.  
  
Unlike her fellow Uruan, Lum, Ran did not like to display all of   
her technology. Her spacecraft had been modified by a program   
labeled "Euro-kitsch, Japanese Translation". Kitsch, kawai,   
girly, or cutesy, whatever a local called it, that's how she   
wanted the world to see her. That's what she felt like: And it   
was all Lum's fault!!  
  
Unbidden, another old childhood memory resurfaced: They were very   
little girls at school. There were rows of tables, and Ran and   
Lum were sitting at a middle one; they were just about the only   
humanoids in the class. The rest were what the humans would call   
monsters, but that wasn't why Ran and Lum sat next to each other.   
Ran's mothership was parked within a flying-scooter ride of Lum's   
mothership. And there were hardly anybody else on the planetoid   
they lived on. (Lum's father was "Mr. Invader", and Ran's mother   
was "Mrs. Enforcer". And though she did not understand it at the   
time, her family was key to the alliance of the Oni and Gaki   
races; their Gestapo tactics carried over to the way they raised   
their child.)  
  
Lum was in her yellow tiger-striped short strapless shift, and   
she was in her opaque angelic gossamer one. (Did they ever have   
hair that short?) "I'm almost finished with my temporal transmat   
for arts and crafts!" she said merrily.  
  
"I'm adding something extra to mine!" Lum said, her little tongue   
out as she worked with only the molecular manipulation tools they   
allowed kids to play with. "A Random Access Memory!"  
  
"Oh, no, Lum! Don't you remember what they said about Chaos   
Theory?!"  
  
"A little chaos is fun! Oops!"  
  
"What did you do, Lum!?!!" Ran cried, worried about the end of   
time.  
  
"My hand just slipped," Lum told her worrywart friend.  
  
"Slipped!!?!" Ran went very pale at the thought.  
  
Suddenly Errp the Anuran inflated its throat, and croaked at her,   
"This is all your fault!!" This surprised Little Ran so much, she   
cried.  
  
"Sensei!" Ocho the Octopian said, as he embraced Errp with all   
eight of his arms.  
  
The whole class began to chase each other, all saying they loved   
this monster, or that monster, but few saying it to the monster   
who said they loved them. They didn't care if Ran was in their way,   
they'd run right over her, even as she sat at the table. And if   
somebody got caught, they fought them off as they tried to get to   
the one they said they loved. Again, they didn't care if Ran got   
mixed up in their frays. And the worst part, what made her cry even   
more was: Nobody said they loved her!!!  
  
No one trampled Lum; who was laughing and clapping her hands,   
thoroughly amused.  
  
In the middle of this, the Mrs. Janus, the Siamesean humanoid   
female with two fronts and no back, stormed over to Ran, and   
yelled at her: "You leave my Dahling alone!! I won't let you suck   
the youth out of him!!"  
  
The teenage face of Ran's present being was anything but cute, as   
rage filled every fiber of her being, her fangs showing: "I see,   
now, that was the future Lum that yelled at me. Traumatized me   
because I thought the teacher was yelling at me for something I   
hadn't done! If that hadn't been the feedback tension of the   
quantum string from around the nexus point that chaos might've   
lasted longer than a few minutes!  
  
"Lum..." Ran's voice took on a terrible tone, "I have always been   
at the wrong end of your reckless pranks. One day, one day: I   
Shall Get My Revenge!!! Bwa-Ha! Ha! Ha..."  
  
+++  
  
Ataru saw that he Was in a swirling of something that was tea   
colored. It would have been more dramatic if cream and sugar had   
been added. But this was traditional Eastern tea, not the Western   
stuff that came in a bag; there were tea dregs everywhere. If he   
knew how to read tealeaves, he would have had an idea of just how   
bad his luck was going to be this time.  
  
"Dahling! Hold my hand!" the bikini-clad alien said to him,   
reaching out her hand for him.  
  
"Why should I!?!" he asked, keeping his hands to himself.  
  
"If we don't stay together, we might get separated!"  
  
"Good!" he told her, putting both hands behind his back, and away   
from her. "Then I can change time without your-" And just like a   
skater spins faster with his limbs in, so, now, too, did Ataru!  
  
"Lum!!" he wanted her to hold his hand now: Any hand! A foot,   
even! He fought against momentum and put his limbs out until he   
was spinning less quickly. But now he was no longer spinning   
smoothly; his thrashing about was sending him out of control,   
deeper and deeper into the teacup of time. "Lu-Ummmm!!..."  
  
"Ataru!!" Lum yelled, using her flying power to try and reach   
him.  
  
+++  
  
In still unaltered time:  
  
Ryuunosuke was dressed in his best clothes, the same clothes he'd   
worn the last time he'd gone out with Ran. He had on black,   
polished oxford shoes, and a white oxford shirt, his slacks were   
navy blue, and his sweater-vest was gray; he even wore a   
correctly noosed red tie. Maybe it was a little stupid wearing   
this when he wanted to know how to be a girl; but you dress up   
for a girl like Ran, right? After all, he was going out with   
somebody special, and these were the best-his Only best-clothes   
he had.  
  
"Once I know how to act like a girl, people won't ever think of   
me as a guy, again! I can wear dresses, and nobody'll stare, and   
point, and say I'm just a stupid guy in a dress! I can relax, and   
be the girl I was meant to be! I could then... I could then   
wear..." and a mirage, like the kind that pull men lost in a   
desert after them, appeared before his thirsty spirit, "...a   
girl's school uniform... sailor suit... fuku!"  
  
The problem with this fantasy vision was that Ryuunosuke wasn't   
in it; Ran was.  
  
He at last came to a vacant lot. There on top of its grass knoll   
was the pink UFO saucer. The ramp was down, as if welcoming him.  
  
+++  
  
Ataru felt like a drip as he fell back into time.  
  
"Ataru! Ataru!" It was Lum's voice! She had followed him. He   
couldn't even get rid of her in time! Maybe what she'd told him   
earlier was all a lie!  
  
"Shinobu! Shinobu!" a preschool little boy who looked more than   
just vaguely familiar called out.  
  
The little dark brown haired girl ran from the little boy.  
  
But he caught her. Only to be shocked by the cloth Lum doll   
holding onto the back of his head.  
  
But that didn't stop him: He immediately chased the teenage   
beauty Sakura.  
  
And got shocked again, while the real bikini-clad Lum flew   
overhead. "Ataru! When are you going to learn your lesson?" she   
said as she watched the little boy glom onto every girl, teen,   
and pretty woman he came upon, only to be shocked again and   
again.  
  
+++  
  
In still unaltered time:  
  
Ran looked at the mega-huge close-up of the one and only true   
love of her life, the Oni Rei, arguably the handsomest male   
humanoid in the universe. She set the tray with her daily   
offering of food before the shrine, "Don't look at me that way!   
No! No! It's you, and only you, I wish to date! There is no other   
in my heart!"  
  
She crawled up on the table, getting closer to her idol, "But   
you're not here! A girl can't sit home and wait every evening! I   
need to keep in practice, for when you do call for me!"  
  
"Oh, yes, I know! I wish I wasn't stuck on this primitive planet,   
too! But, soon, soon, I promise, there will be no more Lum for   
you to love, and you can give me all of your attention!" Ran   
kissed the picture of the giant screen.  
  
"Yes!! Yes!!" she hopped down, and kept on hopping. "You do   
understand!"  
  
The doorbell chimed.  
  
"Until after the date, when I tell you all about it!" she said,   
pressing a button to have the screen draw a curtain over the   
picture. ""That will prove you have nothing to be jealous over!"  
  
+++  
  
"What kind of monster are you, electrocuting little kids!!" Ataru   
screamed.  
  
"I wasn't electrocuting you! I was trying to condition you not to   
chase after girls!" the second bikini-clad Lum, the one he'd tea   
traveled with, defended herself.  
  
"Well, you failed! I still chase girls!" he stabbed himself his   
thumb, proud of his words.  
  
"I could try it again!" Lum brightened.  
  
"No you can't!!" he ordered.  
  
"You're right," she sighed.  
  
"I am?" he looked at her suspiciously.  
  
"History cannot repeat itself. We cannot do the same idea over   
again without a significant change in plot."  
  
"Is that why we're back way before Ran's and Ryuunosuke's first   
date?"  
  
"We're back here because you wouldn't hold my hand when I asked   
you to!"  
  
+++  
  
In still unaltered time:  
  
"Uh,... Hello, Ran," Ryuunosuke stumbled.  
  
"Ryuunosuke!" Ran greeted him with good cheer. "You really   
should not've met me at my place. And not so early! It's not   
something a gentleman should do!" she was serious, but her tone   
told him that she forgave this boy so very na 


	2. The First Ranma: It Gets More Twisted

The First Ranma II: It Gets More Twisted  
By Ron Dow75  
  
Section I: In Altered History  
  
"Ryuu-chan!" called the green-and-long haired girl with  
little yellow horns and little tiger-striped bikini flying   
towards him.  
  
No: Her! Ryuunosuke Fujinami was, in truth, a girl!!   
  
Standing up from where she had fallen in the explosions,   
the shaggy haired brunette in a Tomobiki High boys' uniform   
felt, like the surf against breakwaters, her determination   
to be a-  
  
Lum-chan's bosom came smack up against her cheek.  
  
Lum cried, "How do you stop!?" while flipping ass up and   
boobs down, knocking Ryuunosuke backward.  
  
Ryuunosuke cried in pain: her clip-on earring was caught on   
the bikini top's fur. Being new to jewelry, the martial   
artist thought it was either lose an ear or-  
  
Down the school hall, in his blue wool uniform pants but   
red T-shirt, Ataru Moroboshi cried, "My top!!"  
  
Lum's large boobs exposed, the rest of her body completed   
the mid-air tumble safely when her ass was around to down,   
and the little put-put sounds began.   
  
As for the firm young boobs, "Bouncy-bout's more fun to   
look at!"  
  
With the fire of a righteous samurai soul, a warrior cried,   
"Mo-ho-bo-shi!!" and sliced into five easy pieces the   
rifle-sized alien weapon he thought Ataru had stolen from   
the Princess's UFO.  
  
Watching them clang to the floor, Ataru cried, "Mendou! I   
was just taking away the powers of-"  
  
Handsome, rich Shuutarou Mendou in his white uniform and   
slicked back hair now turned his sword's blade on the   
homely churl of a classmate, "You are defiling the Lady   
Lum! This is your day of judgment! I will finally exact   
justice on your unrepentant hide, Ataru Moroboshi!!"  
  
Ataru ran. "I'm not Dahling!! I'm Lum! Dahling's in my   
body!!"  
  
Up the hall, Lum yelled, "Don't believe him, Mendou!! You   
know what a liar Ataru is!!"  
  
Ryuunosuke held out Lum's furry top for her to take. "Hey,   
that doesn't sound like you, Lum."  
  
Lum said, "Yes, it does! Every time I, I mean, Ataru does   
something Lum doesn't like, she fries him with her   
lightning bolts or lets somebody else hurt him!"  
  
Ryuunosuke was still holding out the top. "Aren't you   
afraid that Mendou's going to kill him, this time? You're   
the one who told me whose effigy his private defense   
department practices on."  
  
Lum scoffed, and said with pride, "Ataru Moroboshi is   
famous for his ability to survive."  
  
Decency required that Ryuunosuke could no longer keep   
looking at the pair of bare boobs. Shoving the top into   
Lum's hands, she looked away. "He has to be, the things he   
does."  
  
Lum defended her husband, her voice rising in intensity,   
"Ataru Moroboshi's a healthy Japanese male determined to   
make the most of these brief, shiny moments of youth before   
he's forced to settle down into the life of a wage-slave   
like his dad..." While the girl had been talking, her hands   
had begun to feel herself up, making good use of the fur   
top.  
  
While she wasn't looking at what she was doing, the others   
in the hall were. The boys stared bug-eyed, leaning   
forward; the girls stared with their eyes brought in,   
leaning backwards. Both sides were murmuring among their   
own kind.  
  
Finally Lum stopped. But it wasn't because of the public   
exhibition she was making of herself. She was aware of   
that. It was because of her awareness of something closer.  
  
Put-putting again, she rose up, and headed for the large   
gaping hole where the girls' room door had just been   
minutes ago.  
  
She left a spore of very spicy fish. The Japanese love   
fish.  
  
The school bell rang.  
  
= = =  
  
When Lum opened one of the surviving stalls, she screamed.   
But instead of Cherry in there, it was the mad Buddhist   
monk's niece, Sakura the Shinto priestess and school nurse.  
  
It was her roomy and creased white top and red pants   
priestly garb she wore, complete with the stick with   
strings with pieces of paper prayers attached.  
  
Still topless, Lum yelled, "What are you doing here!?"  
  
The long haired epitome of all that was the beauty at its   
mature peak said, "This is still the ladies' room. I   
wouldn't allow my uncle in here."  
  
Lum told her, "If you can control where he pops up, you   
should have done it long ago!!" And she went to slam the   
stall door on her face.  
  
Then thought better of it. She grinned.  
  
She slammed the door behind her as she made her moves.  
  
The stall was shaken by more than just the activity inside;   
there were also the martial artist's yells of anger and   
disgust.  
  
With, "Get Lum's hands off of me!!" the door's lock was   
busted as Lum's body was thrown so hard it didn't come to a   
stop until it hovered to a stop outside the hole where   
windows had been.  
  
Lum's top in hand, Sakura ran to the hole, "Ataru! I know   
it's you in Lum's body!"  
  
Put-putting, she yelled back, "Prove it!"  
  
Sakura scolded, "Don't you have the least bit of shame?!   
What about poor Lum stuck in your wretched body?! If   
something happens to it, you'll never become yourself   
again!"  
  
Still hovering bare breasted, Lum told her, "Ataru has   
taught me to live for the moment! He's very Zen."  
  
Sakura screamed, "That is too much: Perverting even a path   
of spiritual enlightenment!" And she tossed the top at the   
alien's body so she could use both hands on her priestess   
wand. She waved it before her as she chanted.  
  
Catching Lum's top, she yelled in defiance, "You can't   
exorcise me from this body! I possess it through science   
fiction!"  
  
Crashing threw a classroom window over the heads of those   
gawking at Lum came Megane. Ryuunosuke voice came roaring   
after him, "There's nothing wrong with me wearing an   
earring!"  
  
Lum said, "Not the window bit again!"  
  
Seeing the half-naked love he'd dedicated his life to,   
Megane got a very stupid grin. "Lum!" he cried, opening his   
arms for her.  
  
Sakura could stop her chanting, now, "This is what I was   
conjuring!"  
  
Lum looked from Megane to Sakura back to Megane, "Wha?!...   
Wha!?..."   
  
Too late: The long-faced stormtrooper in glasses grabbed   
Lum around her arms and hugged, burying his face between   
those magnificent orbs.  
  
They hung in mid-air only for a moment.   
  
Then Lum screamed as both fell, tumbling towards the ground   
below. "Let go of me!! This is totally out of character for   
you!!"  
  
Through great effort on Lum's part, they came to a stop   
with her classmate's knees inches from the ground.  
  
Then she ran out of gas.   
  
She fell on her ass.  
  
And Ataru's second worst friend and rival fell from his   
sore knees on top of her.  
  
Her ass hurting, she started beating and pushing at Megane:   
"Get off of your idol Princess!! Let go of her, you're   
sullying your pure love for her!!"  
  
The boy clutched her even tighter and bawled, loudly, into   
her bosom, "I am, and I don't care! What is wrong with me!?   
I no longer feel your exotic allure and delightful   
presence!"  
  
Now putting the soles of her high top tiger-striped boots   
against the creep's scrawny hips to help her push him away,   
she said, "Great! He knows I'm not Lum without knowing I'm   
not Lum."  
  
From the second floor hole above, Sakura yelled down, "I   
sent a demon after you! I guess he's it!"  
  
Lum looked up, and shook her fist (the one with the top) at   
her, "You're suppose to get rid of demons! Who do I go to   
get your license taken away?!"  
  
= = =  
  
Lum's tiger-striped bikini top back in place, Lum strode   
for the school's gate. "Leave me alone! Go back to   
classes!" Megane was close behind her.   
  
Megane said, "I won't desert you, dear Lum! I know, I feel   
it by the deep connection I have with you, that something   
is wrong!"  
  
Lum muttered angrily to herself, "Just how out of character   
is this character going to get?"  
  
A stout man who had his own personal logo (a hot spring) on   
everything he wore ordered, "Halt! Why aren't you in   
class?!"  
  
Lum ordered back, "Onsen-Mark!? -Why aren't you in class?!"  
  
Onsen-Mark told her back, "I'm the teacher!"  
  
Megane came to her rescue: "Lum is out of school uniform!   
She has to go home and get one!"  
  
The big lummox nodded, "Okay. You can pass."  
  
Lum was past the gate before, the teacher realized, "Hey,   
you can wear one of the spare uniforms the school keeps for   
emergencies!"  
  
Lum ran, "What!? Wear somebody else's clothes?!"  
  
Megane was close behind her.  
  
= = =  
  
Lum rested her bare back against a concrete utility pole,   
getting her breath back, "Why can't I fly? I've lost the   
motivation."  
  
Megane was bent over, his hands clutching his knees; he was   
having a harder time catching his breath. "You probably   
just ran out of fuel, Lum-chan."  
  
Lum grimaced. "Lum-I drink rocket fuel?"  
  
Megane looked at her with great concern, "Something like   
that. What has happened to your memory? (It has to be that   
bastard Moroboshi's fault!) No, dear Lum, you don't drink   
it, you eat it." And he looked about, "Maybe if you can get   
some from a restaurant-"   
  
Lum perked up, "Restaurant?!" And she, too, looked about,   
knowing every one in the neighborhood.  
  
Getting an idea, the bikini-clad girl grabbed Megane and   
pulled him after, saying, "You're treating, of course?"  
  
= = =  
  
It was Megane who had to pull Lum into the Curry Favor,   
over Lum's protest, "I want to go to the Beef Bowl! Oh,   
ramen in a gravy stew with chunks of actual beef..."  
  
Megane told her, "But you need spices! The hotter the   
better! Believe me, I've dedicated my brain to you." And he   
swung her around to where she had to sit on the padded   
stool in front of the counter. "I have kept extensive files   
on you, cross-referenced, checked, and extrapolated all of   
the possibilities..." (Lum thought, Trekkie freak.) "...And   
all of my research comes back to the in disputable fact   
that your alien physiology, Lum-chan, needs heat."  
  
Lum pulled at the little tiger-striped bikini, trying to   
get it to cover more, "You got that right. It's gotten   
chillier."  
  
Megane told the man behind the counter, "Master! A bowl of   
your most powerful curry-and make sure it has plenty of   
chili!"  
  
Lum corrected, "Make that 3 bowls! And if that doesn't kill   
me, make it three more!"   
  
Megane turned ashen, "S, si, six...?"   
  
Lum frowned at him, "You want to make me happy, don't you?!   
That's what your Lum's Fan Club Appreciation Society   
Stormtrooper Guards, or whatever you're calling yourselves   
today, is about?!"  
  
Defeated, Megane said, "Yes." And checked his wallet.  
  
Lum savored the smells, and told the cook, "Make it hot   
enough to burn the nostril hairs off of ordinary people!"   
Then she said in a laugh that sounded more like Ataru than   
Lum, "Every time Lum gives Ataru something to eat he gets   
2nd-degree burns from his lips to his stomach. If Lum needs   
this stuff, then Ataru's going to go want some, want it   
real bad. I can't wait until he tries to eat some   
(hehhehhehhahah!)" Then, louder, "Another bowl for my   
friend!"  
  
Megane cried, "I don't need to eat!"  
  
Lum yelled at him, "Who said it was for you!?"  
  
Megane emptied his wallet, and slapped it down for the   
master of the shop to see the limit of the orders. Sitting   
on a stool beside her in a way that let him look straight   
at her. Talking like a serious sci fi geek, he said, "The   
International Lum Fan Allegiance, of which I'm Chairman and   
President (Open to everybody around the world who can write   
in Japanese, because I can't write or speak English very   
good-"  
  
Lum grunt, "Who can, with Onsen-Mark teaching it." Then she   
got a big fanged grin as the first bowl was put in front of   
her.  
  
Megane dropped his commercial voice, and dropped back into   
that of a learned fanboy, "The general consensus is that   
the Oni cells have microscopic bladders-"  
  
Lum yelled at him, "Don't say 'bladder' when I'm trying to   
eat! And I mean trying! Don't talk at all!"   
  
Megane said, "Begging your pardon, Lum-chan, but I believe   
this is important to the plot-"  
  
Lum stabbed both chopsticks into the bowl of rice and   
mystery meat, "I don't want a plot! I just want to get my   
energy up so I can fly off somewhere and take advantage of   
this body!"  
  
Megane said, "Not even when it involves pheromones?"  
  
Bringing her face down to the dangerous bowl, she said, "I   
won't bite. I'm not going to ask what pheromones are." And   
she put the first bit in her mouth.  
  
Both of her fangs showed with this grin: "Wow! It's like   
nothing I've had before-And I've tried everything I could   
get my hands on!" Bringing the bowl up to her, as she sat   
upright, she used the chopsticks to scoop the meal into her   
mouth. She barely chewed and hadn't quite gotten the first   
swallows down before she shoveled more in. And still she   
insisted on talking, "The sharp, acrid tang of burning   
embers are mixed with the exploding crystals of menthol! In   
other words, the hotter it gets, the more relief I taste!"   
And she reached for a bottle of Tabasco, and shook that   
into the bowl. "More curry! But put all you've got into   
it!!"  
  
Megane continued his treatise, "Oni's are not only able to   
extract and control the storage of gases, they are able to   
use them as environmental bubbles: Space suits, as it were,   
that-"  
  
Something the size of a cow came crashing through the   
eatery's ceiling to land on the stool on the other side of   
Lum.  
  
Lum looked up at the tiger-striped cow with the long yellow   
horns and cried, "Re, Rei!?!!"   
  
Megane shook his head ruefully, "If a story involves   
eating, I guess he had to show up."  
  
As soon as the debris had settle, the silly looking monster   
shrunk into the most male looking of Lum's humanoid race.   
"Lum," he declared.  
  
Lum put up her booted foot and tried to keep the guy some   
handsome that, as she saw it, it even made Lum sick, "No!!   
Stay back: This is my food!!" And she scarfed even faster.  
  
The teen with shaggy green haired with little yellow horns   
in a tiger-striped bodysuit stopped trying to hug his ex-  
fiancée when he noticed where they were.   
  
He sat his now perfect body up straight on the stool and   
lifted a finger to place his order.  
  
Megane told anybody that'd listen, "I'm not paying! Lum   
took all my money!"  
  
Lum told him as she put her free hand around all of the   
bowls that were out on the counter, "That's what girls do!"  
  
She watched suspiciously as the proprietor fearfully gave   
Rei what remained prepared in his place. It was the extra   
bowl Lum had asked for-She yelled with a full mouth,   
"You're not my friend!!"  
  
Megane adjusted his glasses as he studied Rei digging into   
the bowl in front of him. The alien boy did it quickly, but   
with more grace than Lum was doing at the moment. Then a   
gleam went over the lenses. "Ah, I see. You will notice,   
Lum-chan that all of the curry powder has been used up in   
your orders. Rei is eating his meal plain."  
  
Lum slurped down what remained in a bowl, "So!?!"  
  
Megane said, "Because a scene had to be cut out to save   
time, I will come right out and say it." Ka-ching! "The   
reason Rei has to eat so much is because he doesn't like   
hot and spicy foods."  
  
That actually got Lum to stop eating. "You mean... He's   
wimp?" Then she began to laugh almost hysterically. "The   
guy Ataru is most jealous of because of the effect his   
looks has on the babes can't take what it takes to be an   
Oni Ogre?!"  
  
His feelings hurt, Rei enlarged into the tiger cow.   
  
Lum told it, "You don't scare me any more! You're just an   
inflated bag of gas! And not even hot stuff, at that!!"  
  
= = =  
  
From the cloud of dust and spices coming out of the little   
restaurant came the crashing, banging and roaring of an   
enraged tiger cow! Out of the chaos came flying a scratched   
and bruised Lum. "I thought you said aliens were full of   
hot air!?!"  
  
Running to keep up was an even more mauled Megane, "Rei   
must be full of heavy gases!  
  
"That wasn't like Rei! He's never attacked you before!"  
  
Lum said, "Yes, he has, but not Lum. Everybody seems to   
sense there's something different about Lum today! They're   
permitted to act out of character!"  
  
Megane cried as Lum spurted up and ahead of him, "Lum, come   
back!!"  
  
Lum yelled back, "You're the summoned demon! You're   
supposed to keep up with me!"  
  
Section II: Back when we last saw Ataru's body:  
  
Ataru was running for his life from the samurai sword   
swinging Mendou, yelling all the time, "Come back here and   
die with honor, you blot on everything Japanese!"  
  
Ataru was doing his own yelling, "Mendou, I am Lum, I tell   
you! Dahling would be cackling and making some remark about   
your overly serious reading of the samurai code!"  
  
Mendou cried, "Don't make aspersions on my lineage,   
Moroboshi!"  
  
Ataru cried, "I wasn't!" And started running down the   
stairwell.  
  
Sliding down the rail beside her was Cherry, saying, "You   
have a most unfortunate continence."  
  
Ataru told the crazy monk as he jumped steps, "I'm not   
Dahling!"  
  
The little monk said, "I know. That is why it is so very   
unfor-" The railing didn't turn.  
  
Mendou didn't bother trying to avoid stepping on the   
irritating gnome.  
  
Face down on the floor, Cherry groaned, "That boy is in for   
a miserable future. I will pray for him."  
  
= = =  
  
Outside, and avoiding the over used window exit, Ataru   
summoned Lum's tiger striped UFO to lift him inside.  
  
Mendou burst out of the doors and cried, "You will not   
escape from me, this time, Ataru!" And leaped with sword in   
hand.  
  
Both stopped in mid-air. Ataru realized, "Without my own   
body, my spacecraft barely accepts my codes and overrides!   
Now it thinks I'm trying to take somebody else it doesn't   
like on board!"  
  
That he was suspended meters up did not deter Mendou, "On   
the ground, in the air-to the deepest oceans! It matters   
not to me, I'll hunt you down to the ends of space itself!"   
And he flailed at his archest of enemies and friends.  
  
Ataru informed the boy who should be smarter than that,   
"Space doesn't have ends!" He escaped being slashed only   
because he was able to use his feet to kick the blade away.   
But for how long could he keep up this dance with death?!   
  
He called to his craft, "If you won't let me in, give me   
Lum's sword! How will Lum feel, if you do not let her   
husband defend himself!?!"  
  
While the UFO thought about it, Ataru got an open toed   
shoe.   
  
Lum's broadsword was lowered to him -Just as he got a   
matching pair of shoes.  
  
Hands expertly wielding the two-handed weapon, Ataru lifted   
his legs up, as he brought the sword down. Clang! Clang!  
  
Not liking that Ataru may have the high ground Lum's   
spacecraft raised Mendou while leaving Ataru almost at the   
same height.   
  
It was a classic battle of space-age alloy sword against   
ancient spirit infused sword. Both weapons were designed to   
slash and attack. Lum's was fully double edged. But   
Mendou's was a Japanese sword: The only kind in the world   
(and most of known space for that matter) meant to be used   
not just to attack, but defend. Lum's sword was awkward   
when it came time to using it as a shield. Lum was used to   
having some form of armor when she fought in the Oni's   
yearly battle with the Gods.   
  
Ataru conceded, "This is no good! I need another kind of   
sword. One that a samurai has no experience against:   
Spacecraft, give me Lum's spring-loaded epee!"  
  
Mendou heard then saw what was coming. He guessed it could   
be extended beyond the meter reach of his family's sword,   
and be retracted before he could slice it. He reached in   
his pocket, and pulled out a cell phone.  
  
Ataru told him, "A wireless phone that size is   
anachronistic!"  
  
With a smirk, Shuutarou Mendou said, "I am the son of   
nearly the richest man in the world. I have prototypes even   
before they've left the drawing boards." Then he made his   
call. "Send in the Mendou Private Air Force! Code name   
"Enemy of All Women". Repeat: Code name "Enemy of All   
Women"!"  
  
Ataru cried in disbelief, "Now I am going to have to   
escalate! How many times can this town be destroyed?"  
  
Just as the UFO was about to play "Let's put weird and   
weird together and make it even weirder..."  
  
Chung: another UFO struck it. This one looking like a   
silver plumb bob, longer and more pointed on the front or   
down end.   
  
The woman's voice over the spacecraft's P.A. yelled, "Lum!   
Can't I go anywhere without bumping into you!?!"  
  
Ataru told her, "You bumped into me!"  
  
The voice cried in disgust, "Ataru Moroboshi!!?!"  
  
Mendou recognized who this was and struck a pose in mid-  
air. "Princess Kurama."  
  
The voice of the Princess of the Crow Goblins declared,   
"This time I will make sure I never have to see your ugly   
face again!!"  
  
Lum's UFO started playing, "Let's put weird and weird to-"  
  
Until: An all too familiar second voice said over the P.A.,   
"It is fate. You, Kurama, and Ataru cannot escape your   
Destiny together."  
  
Ataru cried, "Cherry!??!"  
  
Kurama cried, "What are you doing in my spacecraft!!?!"  
  
= = =  
  
Once landed, the top end of the crow people's craft opened,   
and a gale blew the insufferable monk out and high up into   
the air. (Past Mendou, who Ataru had left levitating under   
Lum's UFO.)  
  
Ataru looked as the dot disappeared. "Where did you send   
Cherry?"  
  
Carrying one of her large wonder leaves, the beautiful and   
well-made-up woman with the green crow wings extending out   
from her black 'hair' told her hated betrothed, "The middle   
of the Pacific."  
  
Kurama wore a black strapless low-cut one-piece, laced but   
open wide all the way to the yellow sash with the bow in   
the back, a single armlet, and high top boots. Attending   
her was one of the crow people that were the size of and   
looked like a crow, except that he had hands, too, and was   
dressed in a traditional Japanese pantaloon-and-matching-  
shirt uniform with a long red coat and little red cap. This   
one had a long white 'beard'.  
  
Ataru let any guilt he may have had (which wasn't much) go   
with, "He'll probably survive. He always does." Then he   
turned his full attention to one of Lum's archrivals to her   
husband's hand in marriage. "Kurama! If you want to get   
away from Ataru, why come back to the school? The town?   
Japan! Go to America to find a husband to help you give   
your planet a new generation of Crow Goblins!?! I'm sure   
there are more than enough people there who'd give their   
lives to spend one night of total sex with you."  
  
Kurama put her hand on her hip, posing with her leaf. "The   
reason I prefer Japan is that is where my esteemed and   
illustrious father came from."  
  
Ataru nodded, having gone back in time and met him (and   
rescuing him from Ataru). "Ushiwaka Maru, one of the   
cultural heroes of Japanese history, and who went on to   
become Genghis Khan."  
  
The little crow elder nodded, "Nearly 800 years ago."  
  
Looking wistful, Kurama said, "Oh, father; oh, father... if   
only there were one as worthy as you... (sigh!)"  
  
Wide-eyed, Ataru said, "You've looked all over the world,   
and only found one person that can live up to your image of   
your father!?!"  
  
Kurama bent her head in shameful acknowledgment.   
  
The elder said, "It's a terrible time to find noble souls."  
  
Ataru looked out at the crowd skipping classes and that one   
person in the crowd. "No wonder you keep coming back here."  
  
= = =  
  
Up on the stair landing before the school's main doors:   
Curly-topped Perm told his fellow Lum Admirers, "Pretty   
cheesy way to get Ryuunosuke back in the story. Having two   
UFOs with super-tech guidance systems bump into each other   
over the school."  
  
Wide Kakugari told him, "Stranger things have happened."  
  
Little Chibi added, "Especially around here. Sometimes the   
things that happen around here remind me of the kind of   
stuff you find in a high school literature magazine." Then   
he had a thought of his own, "Why are we saying this part?   
Why doesn't Ryuunosuke?"  
  
Perm told him, "Because Ryuunosuke takes everything   
seriously She's a tragic figure. Whatever happens, she   
finds it hard to enjoy anything, let alone see the humor in   
anything.*"  
  
Kakugari grabbed Chibi around his scrawny little neck, and   
started rubbing his head, "Just be glad we got to be at   
least a chorus. In the manga, we're forgotten about."  
  
Perm mused, "At least we got to see an exciting sword   
fight."  
  
Kakugari looked up from his roughing up of his best friend   
to remind Perm, "But we didn't get to see any of the town   
destroyed."  
  
A voice behind them interrupted, "And that is why I decided   
to get involve and used her guidance system to bring the   
crow princess here."  
  
Perm stared in awe as the person who owned that voice   
strode past them, "Wow... not cheesy."  
  
= = =  
  
Students and even teachers had gathered in front of the UFO   
and had formed a clearing. In the center were two alien   
space princesses and the guy all the girls admitted was the   
one they'd most like a boyfriend. Or was he a girl?  
  
Leaning against Kurama's UFO, arms crossed, frowning, and   
refusing to look at anybody, Ryuunosuke told them all, "I'm   
not becoming a guy! Just yesterday in front of my sensei, I   
took my most sacred vow that I was going to dedicate my   
life to becoming a girl."  
  
Kurama held up her gender-changing ray rifle, "I can't   
become the man. I have to be the queen bee for my race."  
  
Trying to do the right thing, Ataru said, softly,   
hesitantly, "Kurama, if Ryuunosuke doesn't want to be a   
guy-"  
  
Kurama yelled at him, "Shut up!! You just want to mate with   
me!!"  
  
Ataru cried, "No!!" And a little sorry for himself, "(Why   
does everybody have to misinterpret my intentions when   
they're the good kind?)"  
  
The voice, the sexy voice of the mature woman said, "I have   
a solution to all of our problems."  
  
Ataru said, surprised, "Sakura??"  
  
The beautiful woman in perfect make-up was now in a dress   
and the long lab coat of the school nurse, "...But for it   
to work, Lum must prove her dedication to Ataru."  
  
Ataru said, "If I wasn't dedicated to making this marriage   
to Dahling work, would I still be here after all he's done   
to it?"  
  
Satisfied for the moment, Sakura began to reveal her plan,   
"Princess Kurama, you like the way Ryuunosuke looks."  
  
Kurama smiled as she gazed on Ryuunosuke's continence.   
"Yes, I do!" She was tempted to stroke the girl's cheek.   
"If you're going to mate, isn't it better to do with   
somebody handsome?"  
  
Ataru tried to remind her, "Girls are not handsome."  
  
Sakura reminded her, "This is Japanese." Then to the other   
alien, "But Fate has played a nasty trick on you, Princess   
Kurama. No matter how hard you try, you seem destined to   
mate with Ataru Moroboshi."  
  
At the very thought of the unspeakably revolting idea:   
"No!!"  
  
Sakura suggested, "Why not trade? Put Ataru in Ryuunosuke's   
body?"  
  
The crow princess was still frowning, "Unacceptable! It'd   
still be Ataru inside! He would still behave like-" Half of   
her frown raised as she thought of something, "...like   
Ryuunosuke?"  
  
Sakura smiled, "Yes, that is my inspiration. That would   
take care of the problem of the Terrible Ataru Moroboshi!"  
  
Ataru understood, "No! I don't want you to overlaying   
Ryuunosuke's behavioral patterns on Dahling!"  
  
Ryuunosuke stood up to tell them, "And I don't want to be   
stuck in Moroboshi's body!" After looking at the homely   
thing, she had to look away from it. "I want to be a girl,   
remember!?"  
  
Sakura told her, "You won't be in Moroboshi's body. You'll   
be in Lum's body. That's where he is now."  
  
The thought of being in another person's body, even the   
very girlish Lum's was not something that pleased   
Ryuunosuke. Kurama said, not entirely thrilled with the   
idea of acknowledging the worth of another space princess,   
"You would have the Oni's behavioral patterns, if that's   
what you want."  
  
The crow elder informed, "Behavioral patterns are   
established in the part of the brain closest to the body."  
  
Kurama added, "But those core patterns are normally put to   
sleep when somebody possesses a body. We would just make   
sure they stay awake this time."  
  
Sakura said to Ryuunosuke, "What better way to learn to   
become a girl?" Except, of course, having her own,   
Sakura's.  
  
Ryuunosuke was seduced, "To really be a girl..." But, "No!   
That wouldn't be me!" She looked away, closing her eyes to   
the possibility. "It'd be like I was a different person."  
  
Pouting, his arms crossed, Ataru helped his own decision-  
making by explaining it to her, "You would still have your   
own free will. You would have to use it to reassert your   
own patterns. That's where the learning comes in. You   
establish new patterns that are a combination of the two.   
Then, when you're back in your original body, its old   
behavioral patterns that we put to sleep. (As much as they   
can be, anyway.)"  
  
The elder informed further, "Or, if somebody else has used   
the original body, you can use their patterns guide you."  
  
Having nibbled at the bait she heard, Ryuunosuke was a   
little confused, "I would get my own body back?"  
  
Sakura said, "Everybody will. Better than ever." The woman   
capable of being very seductive said, "...With everything   
male about yours drained away."  
  
Ataru had a disgusted look, "She means Kurama's wants to   
turn your body into guy's and steal all its male essence.   
How else do you expect to repopulate a planet from just one   
man?"  
  
Ryuunosuke thought she had it, "You mean... when my body   
becomes a girl again, there won't be anything that's male   
left to come along in the change back?" Ryuunosuke dared to   
hope.  
  
Ataru said, "But Ataru will be in it while it's being   
drained!"  
  
The elder told her, "But not conscious! Our technology   
allows it to happen on a strictly reflexive level."  
  
His princess said, "The Crow Goblin Theory of Evolution   
only requires that Ataru demonstrate the virtues we expect   
in our offspring. It is that spirit, that essence, we want   
passed on."  
  
Sakura said, "And under Human Theory of Evolution, the   
father would be the genetically worthy Ryuunosuke Fujinami:   
Not Moroboshi."  
  
Ataru still resisted, "Dahling's a baka, but he's my baka!   
I don't want him to be part Ataru, part Ryuunosuke, and   
part me!"  
  
Ryuunosuke asked, "You?"  
  
Sakura told her, "To make sure Ataru keeps the lessons he   
learns as you, Lum is going to have to show her true, and   
absolute dedication." And the Shinto priestess's voice took   
on a somber tone, "Lum will have to take on Ataru's   
behavioral patterns and fight them off. No: Win. She has to   
make his patterns act the way she wants them to act, or..."   
The thought was too chilling to finish.  
  
Ryuunosuke shuddered. It sounded as if Lum would be risking   
her soul.  
  
But the more immediate question was, was Ryuunosuke ready   
to risk her own?  
  
Word had apparently gotten back to the master of the school   
store for, from behind the crowd, but forcing his way   
through, "Ryuunosuke! Ryuunosuke, my son! Don't do anything   
foolish! Remember your heritage -You're inheritance! Don't   
forget why I raised you to be a man's man!"  
  
Ryuunosuke said as if remembering one of her honored   
ancestors, "Dad..."  
  
She turned to Kurama, and said, "Okay: I'll do it."  
  
Sakura turned to Ataru, "You'd better hurry to. Who knows   
what Ataru is doing with your body."  
  
Ataru rose up straight to tell her, "Ataru is my husband.   
If a husband can't..."   
  
Sakura nodded: "Quick! Everybody aboard Princess Kurama's   
UFO!"  
  
= = =  
  
... Lum found herself naked in a very drafty place.   
  
And her hands in places where they shouldn't be! They were   
damp from sweat... and another fluid.  
  
She withdrew them quickly, and sat up to see where she was.   
  
She was under the open blue sky, sitting on metal, high up   
overlooking the town. Moroboshi had flown Lum's body up to   
the water tower so he could get the thrill of doing it 'in   
public' before he actually did do it in public! (Probably   
winding up in a public bath or some other place he couldn't   
go as a guy.)  
  
She wondered just how far Ataru had gone with Lum's body.   
She did feel all swampy and excited, open and twitchy down   
there, and the nipples were erect and the breasts ached for   
something. In fact the whole body was heated and alert. "So   
this is what it's like to be a girl." Ryuunosuke had had a   
girl's body for as long as she could remember clearly, but   
she had never allowed herself to...  
  
No! I couldn't do it with my own body I can't do it with   
another girl's. It's not right. If I let anybody be my   
friend, Lum could be one. I will not betray...  
  
"Lum."  
  
What would Lum do? I am here to let her direct me, teach me   
how to be a, a...  
  
= = =  
  
Somebody discovered sex for the very first time, and the   
surprise sent a mighty echo reverberating over the town of   
Tomobiki.  
  
Still standing in front of the Curry Favor, a boy who knew   
nothing of fulfillment heard the painful sound.  
  
Crying in utter frustration, Megane asked, "Now, whose   
demon am I supposed to be?"  
  
The End  
  
*Note: There is one thing that Ryuunosuke enjoys {besides   
the fantasy of being a real girl). It is only times I   
remember seeing her truly wonderful smile.   
  
Note 2: No, I did not make up the part about Genghis Khan. 


End file.
